Outnumbered

Nannyless days are looming

I can hardly believe it's almost MAY! Where did April go? How did that happen so fast?

I recently wrote a post about the upcoming test I'm going to be taking. 

It's not a written test, but rather a personal test of whether I really think I could really, truly be a stay at home mother. Really truly stay at home and  really truly stay sane that is.

I just re-read the sentence above and think my words are, between the lines, expressing not only concerns for my sanity, but are also expressing that today was a positive day on all accounts - work & home.  I feel somewhat balanced today.  Today being away from my kids felt almost okay.

Does that mean it is getting easier?  I don't think so.

Am I getting used to it? Perhaps.

In my honest opinion, being a stay at home mom is the toughest job in the world.  It's rewarding, so I hear, but it's SO difficult, and so much work, on so many levels.  
Many women that I've chatted with who stay at home most of the time actually LIKE to go to work to get a day away from their kids.  Then, they continue juggle house work, transportation, extra-curricular activities, school trips, volunteering...the list goes on. 

At least being a working (outside of the home) mom, it's seen as "okay" to ask for help.

The mom who stays at home is expected to do it ALL 'cause, you know, she's not doing anything else anyway. (Insert sarcasm here)

Tonight I got the boys 'schedule' from our caregiver.  I, the mother of these boys, got the daily schedule from the nanny.

I wondered if there was something wrong with that picture.  The thing is, when I have a day off &  I'm home with the kids, we usually have so much packed into our day, there isn't a second of downtime and chances are that we're not even at home.  Other than bathtime, bedtime and meals, there isn't much of a routine. Um, but wait! What do I do when I'm home with them all day & every day? 

Hence the schedule.

We are also going to have some family look after the boys as well, and I wanted to have a rough outline of their routines typed up so they had something to go by as well.  (OK! It's also because I'm totally Type A about these things!)

It will be a big adjustment for the boys as well - which is why I figure keeping their normal Monday to Friday routine is so important.

I'm feeling like a super workin' woman today. I realize this is a stark contrast from the recent post about longing to stay at home.  
I'm doubting myself.
I suppose I'm just preparing myself.
After having a caregiver here looking after the kids since I've been working Monday-Friday, it is going to feel empty here without her. 

Deep down, I want to be good at this, I want to love this. I want it to be a success. I want to have happy kids, a clean house and dinners made.  I'll be soul searching next month. I want some answers about what I should really be doing.  Will this be what I really want?

I guess I will soon find out.

 

: ) Keri

Perfectly easy because I have a nanny? I wish.

Today is my Friday.  Yeahhh, I should be celebrating an upcoming 5 day weekend, but instead I am feeling like it's a Monday & I'm feeling a little stressed.

Nothing a little red wine, Cadbury cream egg, referee jersey and a good ol' blogging session can't fix (and not necessarily in that order)

This is the scoop.  I was heading home from work tonight & 2 of our dear friends invited us out to meet at the local pub. 

Super! It's my Friday, I'm in! 

We went, chatted, caught up and laughed (a lot). I didn't stay too long because being I figured I was wasting away too much precious ALONE shopping  time (Type A much?)
Therefore, I decided it was time to head out (for Easter stuff of course!)  Away I went and I told the hubby I'd meet him back at home.

Well, when I got home I overheard there had been some 'issues' with my oldest child fighting with my middle child.  My little Owee cannot defend himself against a 9 year old, obviously.  Nor should he have to, obviously. So the discussion began between the hubby, the nanny and the Momma K.  

We got a little heated at some points (Momma bear is always going to protect her cubs)...and in the end,to make a very long long, long and unfortunate story short - we discovered a few things.
1) My eldest child is getting away with too much while we're not home
2) We aren't being told all of the problems with behaviour that are occurring while we're not home and
3) We need to reopen the lines of communication once again.

Yeah okay, that was totally the toned down G version.

So although we don't have to pack up our kids for daycare in the mornings, and we get the extra bonuses of having someone care for our kids in our home (somedays she will pull a casserole out of the freezer to have ready, other days she will even cook!) yet there still remain definitely challenges.
Since going back to work full-time I can only expect there are going to be wrinkles to iron out along the way.  And if you didn't see my other post about having a nanny, you should check it out HERE because you'll fnd out how much we love our caregiver for the boys.

Aside from that, my next plan is to move my schedule back (as in earlier)  in the mornings.  If I get to work earlier, I get home earlier.  I think home is definitely where I need to be immedicately afterschool.  And really, once a mother is down to 6 hours of sleep per night, what's the big deal of having  just 5?

It's another struggle of working motherhood, but hey, I'm learning that it just comes with the territory.  Of course....just when I thought working and mommying were starting to mesh well...but I really do think I need to be present to get to the bottom of what's really going on at home when I'm not there.  It kills me somedays to feel so 'absent' from our home. 

Sure, I could delegate this 'getting to the bottom of things' task to our caregiver in some ways; but I think I need to see first hand what's happening and I need to be the one to intervene and decide consequences.  (Don't get me wrong here, we do encourage our caregiver choose consequences for inappropriate behaviours, but somedays there ARE no consequences - hence the heated discussion. 
Let's face it, she's a hell of a lot nicer than I am.

I also wonder (because the hubby and I disagree), how much fighting is normal between siblings? 
The 2 boys are 5 years apart.  5 years.  That's quite a difference.  We talked about the fact that his behaviour was unacceptable, inappropriate and also role modelled negative behaviour for the younger boys.   Oh, and I mustn't forget the consequence: he can't have any friends over for the rest of this week and next to boot.  I could take away his DS, computer, TV, it wouldn't phase him. Now that friends are important - this was definitely a well chosen consequence.   Either way, I still wondered about sibling fighting and what is normal. 

I did a babycenter.com search and found this article with some good tips.
Sibling rivalry between an older child and a preschooler

Can you tell me, do your kids fight with each other? To what extent? How far apart in age are they? If it's boys, do they often get physical? 

Ohhhh, I wish there were easy answers out there...but in the meantime I might as well put my referee jersey back on, keep whistle close by in the event of anymore major penalties. This momma is feeling like she's earned her stripes today.  I'm so thankful tomorrow we can clear the scoreboard, start fresh and have a new beginning. 

Game on. 

Rich because I have a nanny? I wish!

We hired our nanny back when Owen was a year old.

Here in Canada we are extremely blessed with a nearly socialist (HAHA) government who allows mothers to stay at home with their babies for up to one year. AND we get paid for it.

Anyhoo, I returned to work as a full-time nurse when Owen was 12 months old.  I had never been full-time IN my life.   To top it off, the reason I had to back full-time was because I was 14 weeks pregnant with Samuel. Ooopsie Poopsie!

We needed flexible child-care for our 2 boys so my friend suggested a nanny. (Thank-you Sheila) My 12 hour day/night shifts and Brian working an hour from home were not feasible to daycare outside our home.

We ended up hiring a live-in caregiver "Maripe" from the Phillipines who was already living in Canada.  It's all federally regulated, no nonsense here.  She has set hours and set pay - anything more is OVERRRRTIME.  She leaves every Friday and comes home Monday mornings.  Once dinnertime is done, she is done for the day too.
It really is a wonderful program...

Want proof? Check out Canada Human Resources & Development site for more information.

We love our nanny.  (Don't even think about trying to steal her.  People do nanny steal, did you know that? Parents meet caregivers at the park, offer them more money, an ensuite bathroom....and poof, mommy hires new caregiver!)


So people will actually say to me, "Wow, you must be rich to have a nanny".

FYI, don't give away my secret:

It costs the same as daycare! (With none of the hassles)

Benefits to having a live-in caregiver
1)  Never having to bundle up the kids and put them in a cold car at 7am
2) Kids are in the comfort of their own home
3) My boys build healthy relations with each other (between the wrestling, hair pulling, eye poking and toy stealing I mean)
4) Maripe loves them like they're her own
5) We have safe & reliable childcare - even on those miraculous evenings that we go out to socialize!!
6) GERMS!  Need I say more?


Disadvantages
1) I pay extra for the boys to go to additional nursery school two mornings a week for socializing & education
2) Revenue Canada (Taxes, Employment Insurance, Paystubs, all the things that come with being an "employer") Thank goodness for the red wine that gets me through tax season.
3) She is going to eventually leave us. (The horror is unimaginable!!)

Yes, that's how much we love her. She's part of our family now - and even if I didn't really need her, I would let her stay as long as she wanted.  I know my boys love her too & although leaving them & going to work everyday is one of the toughest things I do, I know they're in great hands.

Christmas 2009

Coming soon = More posts on the Live-In Caregiver in Canada...

I want to hear from other mommies!

What do you do for child care?
How did you decide?
What are the benefits to your choice?

Labels: child care, live in caregiver, nanny