Outnumbered

My first blog post...

I started blogging a few years ago on blogspot...aka Blogger.  It all started with me meeting a woman in the parking lot of Sears.  I was struggling with the stroller, it was pouring rain, and I must've had an exasperated look on my face.  I was parked in the new mothers/expectant mothers parking, which as you all know is usually beside the 'handicap' parking spot. 

A woman came out of her car & smiled at me.  I gave her a quick smile and continued with my business.

She said to me, "You know, I used to wish for time alone. I wished that I could just have one shopping trip alone...without the kids at my feet....how I longed to shop by myself!  Well my dear..." she continued, "all of those years passed by so quickly - and here I am now shopping alone. Wishing for someone to be with me now...." her voice trailed off.

It was as if she knew, from the expression on my face that the last thing I wanted in that exact moment was to be hauling out a huge stroller from the trunk and I must've looked so disdained & distracted that she felt compelled to tell me her story.  She must've known that I felt like the sarcastic woman in the photo above....

I still think about it, so many years later.

That is what inspired me to write my first blog post, believe it or not!  I wish I had the original post, but I think I got too busy, stopped blogging and maybe even cancelled that account. That's not the point though. It was something that at the time seemed so minor but in the end made such a difference.  I realize there will come a day when my kiddies don't need me like they do now, and my little baby boy will no longer be able to wrap his fat little legs and arms around me & SQUEEEEZE with all his might. When I first started out as a mommy I'm not sure I appreciated it as much as I do today.

I feel pretty lucky to have this knowledge now, because I know many people in this world rush through it & don't savour the really great moments.  People end up living in regret...Regret, I've learned sure can be a terrible thing.  
Sure, there are some times we'd all like to rewind, take back and do over.  But now I feel like I am starting to figure it out. Only took me 3 decades, a few years, and a few hundred lessons learned to put it all together.

But I'm happy I've figured it out in time...'cause these years FLY by...and sometimes I just stop in the moment, look at my boys & try to freeze that very moment in my mind.  I often have those "I don't want to ever forget this moment" moments when I look at them. For example, sitting around the dinner table and they're all chattering away to each other.... I thought to myself - I am so lucky to have these little people in my life.  Taking these moments for granted (even the small, seemingly insignificant ones) would be a terrible thing. That my friends is an lesson that now seems simple. 

Life is good. There's nothing more I can say.... Life is good.

: )  Keri

Pet peeeeeeves.

I'm feeling somewhat feisty/cynical/cranky/tired today and I started to think about my pet peeves.

Then I started to think that it might make an interesting post. 

You may beg to differ and find my peeves to be perfectly acceptable. 
You also may beg to differ and find that this is not an interesting post. 
But lucky for me, this is my post & I am running with it!  Freedom of speech!  Yeah!

Here is my list:

- the term "Oh Snap".  Yeah I would get it if you were using snap instead of a swear, ie: unlike me who would prefer to say Oh Shit.   Oh snap is like a discovery, a revelation, something brilliant. Oh Snap? I hate it! Dis-like.

- people who "share" their facebook profiles. For example JaneJohn Doe.  Really? Are you that insecure or computer illiterate?  Did you and do you really have ALL the same friends? It's got to be impossible!

- people who leave their carts in the middle of the aisle of the grocery store. Really? Do you think you're the only person in the store? Move OVAAA!!

- people whose pet peeve is the whole "cell phone in public places" business. You know what? My time is precious and while I'm grocery shopping I am perfectly capable of shopping and talking.  Furthemore, it may be my only opportunity to have a conversation uninterrupted by the need to referee a fight or by someone else screaming and/or crying.

- Calling my phone/internet/satellite company. 
That's a long story, but I despise it.  It makes my blood pressure rise just thinking about it. Unfortunately all my services are from the same provider.  I won't name names but it's rhymes with SMELL. Funny because I think they smell. Stink. Ew!

- On that note, I'm peeved at myself for not changing companies.

- People who don't signal when they drive.  Did you know you should signal, then break, then turn? Is it that difficult, push the stick down or flip it up. Magical!

- People who bring their sick kids to my house, to playdates, to the bookstore, to the toy store. Ew ew, stay at home!

- PeOpLe WhO tYpE LiKe ThIs.
I don't get it. It's annoying to read, and really looks like it takes far too much time.

- People who don't want to have kids because it will ruin their body.  Um, yeah not naming names.

- People saying "I seen".  For example,
 "I seen that movie" instead of "I have seen that movie" or "I did see that movie" or "I saw that movie".   I ain't got nothin' else to say 'bout that one!

I think that's it - for now anyway.  What are YOUR pet peeves, what drives you crazy?

I feel like that was great therapy.  Whew! Thanks for reading. 

PS - Janine, you will not like this post. I must admit that Janine, unlike me, knows that patience is a virtue and has much more of it than I do.
For a feel good post, go see her at Spoonful of Sugar

: )  Keri

Moving into the 21st century...i love my iphone

For an entire week I lost my phone.  I love my phone. I love to text my closest girlfriends. I love to call my besties and chat about nothing and everything. In the car, after a long day of work, I go handsfree and love my life!

When I came home from work one day this past week, I couldn't find my beloved phone.  It wasn't fancy, it had no data plan, it had no internet. It was was my simple communication lifeline.  Text. Call.  Text. Call.

I began my search and called my phone incessantly in hopes of finding it.  No response. I scoured the backseat of my carpool buddy's vehicle to no avail.  Then I thought...perhaps the ringer is off. 
But not to worry, It would glow if I called it.   So what would any other desperate phone-loving woman do?

I turned out the lights & called the phone again!  I scoured, in the dark for my phone. Redialling, redialling.

Great idea right? No cigar.

Friday after work, I decided it was time to call the search off.  I had lost hope. 

My facebook friends recommended an iphone & after playing with it at the store for a while, I decided I had found a new love.  Oh, yes my Samsung was my old reliable, but the iphone was shiny and sleek, and so easy to use.  It is intuitive, it just does things that make sense. Within seconds I was texting, calling & checking emails and checking out some pretty cool apps.  I was sold. 

Sold, that is until the Rogers girl told me that my "Corporate Plan" would have to be upgraded over the phone. Ughhhh, but i have no phone to call the "corporate office"!! What was I to do? I surely couldn't go home, if I did that would mean I would have to come back to the mall with kids.  That was no way to shop for an iphone!!

With my head hung in shame, I went to the pay phone.  Shudder.  The PAY phone.

Ummmm, did anyone else miss the memo that PAY phone costs FIFTY CENTS now? Oh yes, yes they do. 2 quarters. Thank goodness I had 4 of them. 
First call was to my husband who I'm sure was rolling his eyes at my antics. 
Call #2 was to the Corporate office.  The man I spoke with was lovely, don't get me wrong. But standing in the middle of the mall on a PAY phone was almost enough to put me over the edge.  Being put on hold for 10 minutes in the middle of the mall on a PAY phone did put me over the edge.  I got off the phone & realized that that deal he offered wasn't that much better than the "regular plan" that "regular consumers" could get. 

So off I went with my dirty ear (this was almost enough to make my germaphobic self go insane) and Ireturned to the shop to say "FORGET the corporate!" 
I would rather pay an extra $5 a month and deal with a real person, than deal with someone over the phone.  When you deal with the people in store, they also offer a loaner phone if something happens.  With the corporate office, you get your phone mailed. Yuck. Really?
 More waiting? No thanks.  More calls on hold? No thanks.

So, to make a longer story a little shorter, I got my new iphone with a great plan.  I have already been playing with it, checking mail, adding contacts, shopping at itunes, texting, you name it. I have downloaded educational apps for my kiddies (who knew, just a few days ago I didn't even know these apps existed!)
I'm sure there are many more features for me to discover. I bet I'll even post a blog from my iphone one of these days!  I'll get there, I know I will. 

I lllllove my new iphone. Truly love it.  Here's to my new iphone!

And here's to me never ever having to use a germ covered PAY phone again.  I'll keep my iphone & igerms to myself, thankyouverymuch!

: )  Keri

From spinning to road biking, adventures of Momma K

I completely FORGOT to post about my Mother's Day present!
This is what Brian SURPRISED me with on Mother's Day. Isn't it gorgeous?

Since I've been attending my spin class on a regular basis I have become even more interested in getting my flabby arse into shape getting involved in outdoor riding.

I looked into a few options and decided with some great advice from people who know something about riding real bikes that I should check out our local bike shops.
I was going to buy from Canadian Tire (my favourite Cdn store!) but instead went with the shop who specializes in biking. Great advice that my dear hubby took too since he found & bought me the perfect bike.  It was love at first sight.

The one thing that actually triggered my interest (besides my very obvious mom body) was a woman in my spin class who has Celiac's Disease. She was helping to organize and recruit people for a ride for celiac in August and made an announcement after class one morning. I thought it was the perfect way to get out there, meet new people & support a good cause.

"It's just downtown, to a local island where you have lunch and then back again" 
Oooooh, music to my ears!  She continued: "And it's just recreational, it's not a race and it's only about 58k." Fifty-eight my friends, fifty eight kilometres.  For my yankee friends, 58km is (according to google) is  36.0395291 miles.

I know that probably sounds like peanuts to some, but for me it's a little bit of a big deal. That said, the "recreational" emphasis and the fact that the proceeds from this event go to a very good cause, I signed myself up.

Now, I've got exactly 67 days to get myself ready for it.  The woman who coerced encouraged me to join them said it was probably a good idea to take the tour beforehand to see what's it's like. Oh yes, in my free time I will strap my children on my back and ride 58 km "to see what's it's like..."  : )   Okay, I'm exaggerating - I'm sure I'll be able make the trip out beforehand to see how I fare.

I'm happy to say I have publicly admitted I am dedicating Saturday mornings to spinning,  although at times I would rather spend my precious alone time doing other things, I am also letting you all know that I will  be getting myself in shape for this ride.  Please, pro-riders, biathletes, triathletes, don't mock me or laugh at me.  This is a big deal in my little world!  Baby steps, baby steps and I will get there.

Next on my list: Cut back on Doritos.   I'll keep you posted on that "to do" item.  I can almost guarantee THAT will be tougher than the 58km.

 

 

Happy Hearts

What a beautiful week, and a beautiful weekend so far.

I was up at 3:30am this morning! Yikes.  The kids were up a few times & of course my mind got into high gear (remember thinky thinkerson?) and I just couldn't get myself back to sleep.  I started to reflect on my great week with the boys. 

I often will start writing posts, and then I don't have the time to finish them.
Here's hoping this one gets finished. 

My dear friend Janine who writes an inspiring blog called Spoonful of Sugar talked about something her girls did and how it made her "heart happy".  I loved that.

I'm learning to stop & smell the roses...I'm learning to figure out what truly makes my heart happy. 

Here are some of my favourite moments from my week:

- Jax went in the forested area behind our home and found some beautiful perennials, dug them up (roots & all) for me to plant in the front garden.

- I hosted a  playdate with some of my favourite girlie friends.  We had a total of 9 children here, it was surprisingly not that chaotic!  Loved the adult conversation too.

- After my Jax had picked me some perennial flowers, Ollie went into a flower basket that my sis-in-law had given me for Mother's Day and pulled out a chunk of flowers for me! He was not going to be outdone by his older brother! I laughed as I looked as his little face, so full of joy and pride.

- Local bookstore trip with the ladies...the kids play, we have coffee.  What could be better? I even met another mom who I know of through a mutual friend.  She told me she likes my blog! Who knew?

- Cooking dinner every night! Loved it!

- Cleaning and tidying up my house (the de-cluttering continues!)

- Heading to the park every day before we picked my oldest up from school

- Mornings at home, with coffee & my boys

- Watching the boys "rock out" to my hubby's Foo Fighters DVD. I have to catch it on video one of these days, it's priceless.

- Last minute dinner out with friends (kids included)

- Last minute dinner with the girls from my previous workplace (kids not included!)

- Having the boys to myself while the hubby played in his hockey tourney. (I know, oh so selfish)

- A great workout with my spin buddies

- Baking with the boys, cookies, muffins, you name it.

- The list goes on....I love catching those little moments with the boys, the ones that make me laugh out loud.  The kids can make me frustrated at times, I will not lie -- but they are so so precious, hilarious, fun and adorable. It's so important to remember how lucky we are, even in tough or frustrating circumstances. 

There were so many things this week that made my heart happy.

What made you stop & smell the roses this week?

What made your heart happy?

 

: ) Keri

Loving life as a stay at home mommy

Wow! Is it really Thursday already? If you have seen my facebook Outnumbered Fan page status  you already know that I posted about how I find it hard to believe how some weeks at work can drag on but at home time just flies!

I am loving being at home - we do miss our nanny, but things are going a lot more smoothly than I expected.  I figured that the help around the house would be a huge issue for me.  Turns out, I've been keeping up with it all by doing a little bit each day. And you probably know from previous post...I thoroughly enjoy mopping.  It's tiring after a 10 hour day, but we are managing.  Luckily the hubby had a touch of OCD when it comes to a clean kitchen which is quite helpful & greatly appreciated!

The thing I miss most? 

Quiet time for 30 minutes when I get home from work. 
Our usual routine is to have the kids playing with their nanny, either outside or in the basement while I prepare dinner. That would give Brian & I time to chat and catch up. 
Funny how the smallest things can make such a diffference. 

To be perfectly honest, I think this is probably the best job in the entire world.   I love catching little moments and little laughs and giggles with my kids.  There were SO many instances this week when my kids said or did something absolutely adorable, or hilarious - and I thought to myself, "If I had've been at work, I would've missed all of this".  I don't want to be with them 24 hours, I can admit...but being gone 50 hours a week at this point in their lives?  I'm not so sure about that option either.
There are challenges, and there would have to be major budget cut-backs if I ever did decide to NOT work full-time...but I now think my personality would be suited for it.  5 years ago I might've thought differently.  I have a little more patience now & I think I have a lot more wisdom and insight.

As I've chatted with other moms, it has become apparent that for some women, what they do is what they believe is the best for everyone.  Well, it's right for the person...just because I've pursued further education and have a dream job doesn't mean it's right for me at this very moment in my life.  I love reading stories, articles & blogs about moms who have left the career life for their home life. So inspiring!

I figure there has to be something or somewhere that I can fit myself into these roles. The academic in me wanted to know more.  I read some of Hyde's work on role strain & working mothers.
(You can take the geek out of school, but you can't take the geek out of me!)  There is even a Sloan Work & Family Institute with a ton of evidence-based information on working mothers, families, breastfeeding and more! Click on the link above for a wealth of information about mothers, roles, and how gender plays a major part as well.  I know, I'm feeling deep and philosophical today.  Must be my Chai tea latte going to my head : )

Here's what I found:  Role strain is a very real and relevant concept, which briefly defined is the stress or strain experienced by an individual when incompatible behavior, expectations, or obligations are associated with a single social role.
Role conflict on the other hand, happens when there are many obligations happening at once due to differing the roles.
For example, I have my oldest son's field trip on a certain date. He really wants me to go.  I have a really important meeting at work, my colleagues are expecting me.  How does a person decide?

How do you decide what's most important?

How do you define your roles and avoid such conflict as a mother?  Everything can't be perfect all the time, I realize that - but I want to know....how do people make it work?

I will happily take free advice.

Thanks for reading.

 

 

: )  Keri

Happy Nurses Week

In honour of nurses week...this is an editorial I wrote with my good friend last fall (2009)
It was short & sweet, but we felt it necessary to write in as the preceding article was pretty much saying nurses were lazy & unhappy.  I took out the hospital name & the name of the person who wrote the original article for the blog post, for privacy & also because that's not the important part of the message.

As registered nurses, we felt compelled to respond to the story "A 'comedy of errors' " (Aug. 1), written by a woman who complained about the treatment her mother received at ______ Hospital. We see first-hand what the hardworking nurses and other staff at the hospital do each and every day.

What happened to (name deleted), is very unfortunate, and in no way was her experience acceptable. But, unfortunately, given the current state of our health-care system, her story is probably not the only one of its kind. We are experiencing budget cutbacks, loss of jobs (by attrition and otherwise) and a generalized attempt to play catch-up for a long-standing deficit. This impacts the staff of hospitals, but, more importantly, it has an enormous impact on the care that our patients receive.

It is well-documented that as nurses' workloads increase, so does patient mortality. More patients are sicker, which means that they need more hours of nursing care to recover. It is physically, emotionally and morally distressing when -- as a nurse -- you cannot provide the care that a patient should receive.

The tone of the story suggested that the nurses at the hospital aren't happy. The truth is, nurses and other staff simply cannot stretch themselves any further.

All the registered nurses we know strive to provide the best possible evidence-based care. We are passionate about our work and take pride in the care we provide.

Nurses are responsible for upholding the College of Nurses of Ontario standards of care and must also undergo quality assurance, continuing education and skills development throughout their careers.

The bottom line for patients is that bed shortages caused by bed closures create longer wait times. Bed closures are overcrowding our emergency departments. Shortages of skilled health-care workers continue to occur, and the list goes on. It is a vicious cycle that deserves everyone's attention.

It is vital that Ontarians be heard. Contact your MPP. Contact the minister of health. Our elected officials need to hear our stories and need to be reminded that without our health, nothing else matters.

Happy Mother's Day

It's Mother's Day! Happy Mother's Day to you!

I was at a conference last week and there was one man who presented to a sea of women.  He was a dynamic speaker & I really enjoyed his talk.  He was also wise enough to start his discussion by saying Happy Mother's Day to the ocean of women whose undivided attention he had.  He mentioned that he had heard on the radio that moms don't reallllly want breakfast in bed. Well, that captured everyone's interest. 
Why?
Well, they'd just have to clean up all the crumbs and mess in the end anyway.

How true!

So what do women really want on Mother's Day?  What do YOU want for Mother's Day?

A little bit of 'alone' time was the consensus.

I agree.

My hubby and I actually decided last year, that with our lacking (errrr non-existent) time for ourselves -- it would be best if on Mother's Day & Father's Day we had a little time to do whatever we wanted.  The only stipulation: It had to be "Me" time.   I think Brian created this plan so he could go golfing on Father's Day guilt-free (haha) but I was sold on the idea.

Other than time alone, what do you want for Mother's Day?

The only additional thing I would like might be a little recognition for all mothers around the world.

I realize that some people might think that this ONE day is recognition enough....but I think it would be nice for all of the invisible tasks that moms do to be visible, even for a short while.

Invisible.  Invisible: Simultaneously carrying out tasks without so much as blinking an eye.  Invisible: Not noticed, not seen, not obvious.

Waking the kids up, while collecting laundry, while applying mascara, while planning what to discuss at this morning's meeting.

Grocery shopping, while spending quality time with the kids, while planning meals for the week, while not being able to control her urge to kiss her child's fat little cheek in the middle of the grocery store produce aisle.

Cooking dinner for tonight, while planning dinners to freeze for later, while helping a child with homework.  She may even squeeze in a facebook comment if she's lucky.

Signing permission forms, writing cheques, planning schedules, while asking her boss for another day off, for she can't possible miss being a chaperone on a child's school field trip.

Making time for friends, date nights with hubby, quality time for each child, and phone calls to family.

Writing thank-you cards, while pondering beautiful home decor plans, while deciding on & implementing the best possible storage for the mountain of toys that surrounds her.

Seamlessly...she seems to be able to fulfill an assortment of tasks. Seamlessly, she thinks that she's at her limit, but yet she finds one more thing to add onto her list of life responsibilities.  Seamless, with no complaint.

The invisible work of mothering. 

I think it's important acknowledge the invisible work of women, particularly that of mothers.

Enjoy your day mommies of the world.  Today is your day. 

May today unveil all of the invisible things you do.  

But don't fret - because even if the light doesn't reveal the entire truth of your work -  remember there is no one, not one person who can do your job of mothering the way that you do.

I hope my Mothering friends get to have an afternoon of relaxation as I am so blessed to be having - thanks to my husband, who has kindly delved into my world of invisible work and offered to not only help me, but relieve me of my duties.

Happy Mother's Day. 
I hope you get lots of love & hug & kisses from your children and your mate!
Enjoy your day.

Here is a beautiful poem I found by Alison Luterman...I hope you like it as much as I do.

Because no one could ever praise me enough,

because I don't mean these poems only

but the unseen

unbelievable effort it takes to live

the life that goes on between them,

I think all the time about invisible work.

About the young mother on Welfare

I interviewed years ago,

who said, "It's hard.

You bring him to the park,

run rings around yourself keeping him safe,

cut hot dogs into bite-sized pieces for dinner,

and there's no one

to say what a good job you're doing,

how you were patient and loving

for the thousandth time even though you had a

headache."

And I, who am used to feeling sorry for myself

because I am lonely,

when all the while,

as the Chippewa poem says, I am being carried

by great winds across the sky,

thought of the invisible work that stitches up the

world day and night,

the slow, unglamorous work of healing,

the way worms in the garden

tunnel ceaselessly so the earth can breathe

and bees ransack this world into being,

while owls and poets stalk shadows,

our loneliest labors under the moon.

There are mothers

for everything, and the sea

is a mother too,

whispering and whispering to us

long after we have stopped listening.

I stopped and let myself lean

a moment, against the blue

shoulder of the air. The work

of my heart

is the work of the world's heart.

There is no other art.

- Alison Luterman

First day of nursery school

Ohmigosh, tomorrow is my baby's first day of nursery school.  Where on earth did the past two years go?

As you probably know, my nanny has left for 4 weeks.  I cried when she left. Bawled. Like. A. Baby.

I was sad to see her go, I was hormonal, but most of all, I was sad for my kids.  I know they will be well cared for by our wonderful family who has kindly offered to help out with babysitting for the the month and I am lucky enough to be staying at home with them for an entire week... but I was worried about their usual at home daycare routines with the nanny.  I was afraid they would be sad without her during the day while momma was at work.

Well we've made it through the first few days.  Slightly exhausting to say the least, particularly when for so long, our routines were unspoken, there was no need to set things out, explain the routines, the kids' likes and dislikes...It just became easy for everyone.  I'm not complaining, it's nothing major, just the little things.

Tomorrow my youngest and middle children will be going to nursery school together -- for the first time ever. Ollie has gone since September, and Spence will be attending for May so that the surrogate babysitters will have a break (ahem, yes that includes a break for mother of the year as well).

Sometimes I wonder where the years have gone...I think part of getting older is realizing how quickly the days, weeks, months and years pass by. 

I wonder if my frequent ponderance of being a stay at home mom is related to the fact that my children seem to be growing up at a lightning speed.  I am very aware from the advice from many, that these moments of raising little people are some of the best moments of life.  I remember being in university and life was good. So good.  Unfortunately, I'm not sure that I savoured every moment.  I took it for granted a little.  I learned a lesson from university (besides that liquor before beer, and you're in the clear) and that lesson is sticking with me. Enjoy the moment, because as with many instances in life, you don't realize what you've got 'til it's gone.

I don't want to reflect back on my life and think OH I should've just sucked it up, been poor, and stayed at home.   This wasn't meant to be a whiny, woe is me post, but the words are just flowing...thanks for making it this far if you're still reading.

I keep thinking about how crazy this is - in September my Ollie will go to Kindergarten.
Tomorrow my baby is going to nursery school. It's only part of the day, and I know he'll do so well. He is such a happy, smiley, joyous little person.  He loves life so much!
And he already runs into the classroom like he owns the place. He's been wanting to attend since last September.

But, in keeping with my usual routine....there will be photos taken, photos posted...and tears to follow.

My baby isn't a baby anymore!