Perfectly easy because I have a nanny? I wish.

Today is my Friday.  Yeahhh, I should be celebrating an upcoming 5 day weekend, but instead I am feeling like it's a Monday & I'm feeling a little stressed.

Nothing a little red wine, Cadbury cream egg, referee jersey and a good ol' blogging session can't fix (and not necessarily in that order)

This is the scoop.  I was heading home from work tonight & 2 of our dear friends invited us out to meet at the local pub. 

Super! It's my Friday, I'm in! 

We went, chatted, caught up and laughed (a lot). I didn't stay too long because being I figured I was wasting away too much precious ALONE shopping  time (Type A much?)
Therefore, I decided it was time to head out (for Easter stuff of course!)  Away I went and I told the hubby I'd meet him back at home.

Well, when I got home I overheard there had been some 'issues' with my oldest child fighting with my middle child.  My little Owee cannot defend himself against a 9 year old, obviously.  Nor should he have to, obviously. So the discussion began between the hubby, the nanny and the Momma K.  

We got a little heated at some points (Momma bear is always going to protect her cubs)...and in the end,to make a very long long, long and unfortunate story short - we discovered a few things.
1) My eldest child is getting away with too much while we're not home
2) We aren't being told all of the problems with behaviour that are occurring while we're not home and
3) We need to reopen the lines of communication once again.

Yeah okay, that was totally the toned down G version.

So although we don't have to pack up our kids for daycare in the mornings, and we get the extra bonuses of having someone care for our kids in our home (somedays she will pull a casserole out of the freezer to have ready, other days she will even cook!) yet there still remain definitely challenges.
Since going back to work full-time I can only expect there are going to be wrinkles to iron out along the way.  And if you didn't see my other post about having a nanny, you should check it out HERE because you'll fnd out how much we love our caregiver for the boys.

Aside from that, my next plan is to move my schedule back (as in earlier)  in the mornings.  If I get to work earlier, I get home earlier.  I think home is definitely where I need to be immedicately afterschool.  And really, once a mother is down to 6 hours of sleep per night, what's the big deal of having  just 5?

It's another struggle of working motherhood, but hey, I'm learning that it just comes with the territory.  Of course....just when I thought working and mommying were starting to mesh well...but I really do think I need to be present to get to the bottom of what's really going on at home when I'm not there.  It kills me somedays to feel so 'absent' from our home. 

Sure, I could delegate this 'getting to the bottom of things' task to our caregiver in some ways; but I think I need to see first hand what's happening and I need to be the one to intervene and decide consequences.  (Don't get me wrong here, we do encourage our caregiver choose consequences for inappropriate behaviours, but somedays there ARE no consequences - hence the heated discussion. 
Let's face it, she's a hell of a lot nicer than I am.

I also wonder (because the hubby and I disagree), how much fighting is normal between siblings? 
The 2 boys are 5 years apart.  5 years.  That's quite a difference.  We talked about the fact that his behaviour was unacceptable, inappropriate and also role modelled negative behaviour for the younger boys.   Oh, and I mustn't forget the consequence: he can't have any friends over for the rest of this week and next to boot.  I could take away his DS, computer, TV, it wouldn't phase him. Now that friends are important - this was definitely a well chosen consequence.   Either way, I still wondered about sibling fighting and what is normal. 

I did a babycenter.com search and found this article with some good tips.
Sibling rivalry between an older child and a preschooler

Can you tell me, do your kids fight with each other? To what extent? How far apart in age are they? If it's boys, do they often get physical? 

Ohhhh, I wish there were easy answers out there...but in the meantime I might as well put my referee jersey back on, keep whistle close by in the event of anymore major penalties. This momma is feeling like she's earned her stripes today.  I'm so thankful tomorrow we can clear the scoreboard, start fresh and have a new beginning. 

Game on. 

Comments

[Kelly Coombs Woodwark]

Hi Keri
You know Im still on maternity leave.....so Im home all day (yikes). Milo is beating on Lilly CONSTANTLY. He can't even walk by her without giving her a shove. I disipline him EVERYTIME. Have tried everything, taken toys away, taken "special time" away, time-outs, no tv, I even swatted his bum. NO change at all. Except maybe he tries to do it when my back is turned now.
My point.....I dont no whether you being there or not has really anything to do with it. I understand you want to be there to nip it in the bud, as they say....but this is one issue I dont know whether that helps. I have been at it for months no change. Everyother issue has been resolved by the methods listed above. Not this one. Do they see it as a form of play? Who knows. I have to mention that I am waiting anxiously for the day when Lilly turns around and clobbers him back. I think that will be the only thing that resolves this issue. Until then Im keeping the eyes in the back of my head on Milo and not letting him get away with toooo much.
If you figure it out let me know K

[Jenny]

Hey Momma K,

I second that post by Tina! The boys would fight no matter what. Sibling rivalry! I am afraid I am not much help as we are still dealing with this stuff after 4! Esp with the younger two.
But rest asured it does get better! I am sure you must remember some pretty good fights with your brother :-) I know I remember some good ones with my siblings :-)
You are doing a great job!!
Love ya oxox

[Janine]

Keri
My oldest daughter stays out of it, for the most part. I talk to them quite often about being peacemakers. I know, sounds cheesy, but when coupled with the Word of God, it has an impact, especially on my 12 yr. old. My younger 2 bicker more that the rest. One of the things I say to them is, "You don't live in a home where your parents fight all the time, I'm not going to live in a home where my kids fight all the time. Work it out peacefully, or sit alone. There is always more schoolwork/chores that can be done, solo, if you need a different occupation." Discipline is a must, following through is a double must. Great job, Mom. Keep up the good work! It's not forever, just for now! When I think of the arguments my sister and I had, and now we're best friends...it's all good, girl!

[Momma K]

Thanks Tina - this is very true. I think sometimes I beat myself up a bit over my decision to be away from the kids 5 days a week. I needed to hear this!
Thanks for taking the time to comment.
I suppose I need to remember that nothing is ever perfect and they will fight no matter what...no matter where we are.

PS - I love you AND your family!!

[Tina]

Kerri, although I commend you for taking action and setting boundries that you and Bri are comfortable with in dealing with sibling rivalry keep in mind that whether you were a stay at home mom, the kids were in daycare or having a nanny - the rivalry would exist. Try not to beat yourself up too much about the amount of time you are home/not home. You're very fortunate to have found a caregiver that you love and respect, a husband with whom you enjoy spending time with and a career that fills you up. A happy mom is worth its weight in gold!

Perhaps a team building weekend is what is necessary? Your boys will love each other...eventually.

Heck, look at my family..Ok, don't! haha